Virtual Valentine Messages
by BBailey
Summary: Valentines day is near and Megatron is depressed. Can Starscream's virtual surprises cheer him up? Just a quick story I thought up on a whim.


Megatron sat upon his throne in the realms of Dark Mount, gazing out the window, his red optics staring aimlessly at the dark, cold oblivion of space.

His thoughts drifted back to his former lover, Gun Girl. She was a beautiful femme, dark grey, sparkling teal optics and she had that extra special something he could never own up to...she was nice.

"Oh, Gun Girl, why did you have to ruin what we had together by being "good"." he murmured, visibly shuddering when he said the word, good.

With a heavy sigh, he gazed down at the energon ring that lay in the palm of his hand. He wanted to give it to Gun Girl, give it to her for Valentine's day. He remembered the original ring that he had saved over the eons after their break-up only to have Starscream toss it into the smelting pool.

"Clumsy idiot Starscream, what ever was he thinking?" he grumbled to himself.

Rising to his feet, Megatron left the throne and sat down at his computer screen.

He quirked an optic plate, noticing an email had been sent to him.

"Could it be?" he muttered, but then shook his head. "No, what are the odds of having Gun Girl send a message to me?"

He clicked the blinking light only to have Optimus Prime pop up on the big screen.

"Prime? What the slag?" He cried.

"Megatron, I wanted to warn you about the Quintasons sending dangerous viruses through the internet in an attempt to shut down all communication through out Cybertron."

"Viruses? I haven't heard such news." he replied.

"It's posted all over facebook, haven't you been keeping up with it?" Optimus asked, stunned.

"Facebook? What's facebook?"

"The latest in social networking." Optimus replied. "Don't tell me you don't know what facebook is?"

"Uh...of course I do...I was mearly joking." Megatron snapped, hating it when Optimus had one over him when it came down to the line. "I was...reading over the...virus news myself when you so rudely interupted me."

"Yeah, sure." Optimus chuckled. "I also wanted to wish you a happy Valentine's day since I'm sure nobody else will."

Megatron growled and slammed his fist on the hull of the computer just as the screen went black.

Soundwave stood in the doorjamb silently observing.

Megatron cocked his head to one side and then waved to him to enter.

"Megatron, I overheard your conversation with one enemy Optimus Prime." He vibrated, standing next to him, gesturing a hand over the computer screen. "Shall I bring up your facebook account so that you may update your knowledge on the Quintason activity?"

Megatron lowered his optics. "I don't have a facebook account."

"But you said..."

"I lied, ok!" He growled. "I'm Megatron, leader of the decepticons, do you find it all that unusual that I tell lies?"

"Uh...no."

"I'm not up to date with anything." he admitted, looking away.

"I could open a facebook account for you, Mighty Megatron." he offered, causing Megatron to look up, hopeful.

"You could?"

"Yes."

"Uh...yes, of course you could. I'm your leader, I demand you open me a facebook account right away!"

"Yes, Mighty Megatron.

Soundwave sat down and working diligently, his fingers flying across the keyboard, until, at last, he paused and pointed to the fruits of his labor. "Your account and profile is ready, I only have a few questions to ask of you."

"Ok."

"What is your gender?"

"Male, what kind of question was that, for the love of slag?"

Soundwave lowered his face awkwardly and then began typing. "Are you single?"

"Yes." he muttered, again his thoughts drifting back to his long lost Gun Girl.

"Do you want to take the "What kind of angel are you quiz?"

"The what?"  
"The what kind of angel are you quiz? You must answer a series of questions and then the computer will reveal they type of angel that you are. I am a fluttering free angel, one that flies freely in the summer breeze." he said in monotone.

"You're what?" Megatron said, his optic plates furrowed. "Are you serious? Megatron is no one's angel!"

"You could be a shimmering silver angel..."

"I could be what???" He roared, his optics blazing.

"Nevermind." Soundwave squeaked, standing up and backing away. "Your profile and account is ready for access, Megatron."

"Very good, you are dismissed." he said, taking a seat and staring up at the flashing computer screen.

Waiting until Soundwave vacated the throne room, Megatron made an announcement over the intercom for all decepticons in Dark Mount. "This is your beloved leader, Megatron. I am presently on facebook. Anyone that has any kind of news to share with me, please email me as I am updating as we speak. That is all."

Gazing back at the screen, he was flabbergasted to see so many sudden "friends requests", but he confirmed them all.

He eyed his screen, someone was sending him an instant message. He quickly hit the accept icon and watched.

It was Starscream, it read: "MEGATRON, I AM PUTTING YOU ON MY TOP 5 FRIENDS LIST"

Megatron typed: "FINE, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING OF VALUE TO REPORT?"

Starscream types: "YES."

Megatron: "GO AHEAD."

Starscream: "IM SENDING YOU AN IHEART."

Megatron: "A WHAT?"

Starscream : "AN IHEART, IM SENDING YOU A SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP IHEART."

Megatron: "IS THAT A WEAPON OF SOME SORT?"

Starscream: "NO."

Megatron: "THEN IT IS OF NO VALUE TO ME THEN, IS IT?"

Starscream: "NO, NOT REALLY."

Megatron rolled his optics and then became curious when he recieved an notification from Skywarp. Clicking the icon, he read eagarly.

"THIS IS AN INVITAION TO JOIN THE NINTENDO WII FOR FITNESS ACROSS CYBERTON."

"Wii? What's a wii?" he murmured, looking over his shoulder at his game console...atari 2600.

He clicked another invitation sent to him from Blitzwing, "JOIN THE "RID THE GALAXY OF GO-BOTS" GROUP."

"I'll gladly accept this one." he laughed softly "Ha, Go-bots, just another bunch of Transformers want-to-be's".

Still, another icon flashed across the screen, he clicked it. It was rumored news about the quintasons. Megatron gasped and quickly hit the icon, waiting to see what he could learn about this new threat.

Just as he was starting to read the story, an IM suddenly flashed before him, averting his attention. He accepted the IM.

It was Starscream again. "MEGATRON, DID YOU GET MY GIFT?"

Megatron: 'WHAT GIFT, I'M TRYING TO READ SOMETHING IMPORTANT."

Starscream: "OPEN IT."

Megatron: "I'LL OPEN IT LATER."

Starscream: "OPEN IT NOW, IT IS A GIFT WORTHY ONLY OF YOU, MY LEADER."

Megatron: "ALL RIGHT, FINE, STOP KISSING MY ASS-PLATE."

Megatron clicked on the icon, it was a virtual box of chocolate. The subtitle read "I hope you like it, Starscream."

Megatron stared at it for a moment and then frowned. "What use is a virtual box of human confetti?" he asked himself and then became thoughtful. "Though I always wondered what actual chocolate tastes like."

He thought about Gun Girl. "I would have given her a box of real chocolate once. Too bad actual chocolate would gum up her circuits as it would mine. Virtual chocolate doesn't have a taste, it would not have been a good gift either...oh, listen to me ranting. I have to get to work!"

After a long and drawn out sigh, Megatron resumed his work.

Then another icon popped up. He clicked it. It was a virtual bouqet of roses from Starscream.

"Now what good is that?" he grumbled. "I don't have a sense of smell and further more..." he paused, looking at the virtual flowers. "You know, I have never had anyone send me roses before."

He clicked on the next icon. It was a virtual bottle of energon and a pair of fluffy slippers from Starscream.

Megatron smiled. "How nice, if only I really did have a bottle of energon and a pair of fluffy slippers." he sighed dreamily. "That would be nice after a long day of pillaging the poor and stealing parts from the scroungers, maiming autobots all all that."

He hit the next icon only to find the ultimate in virtual gifts, a virtual head of Optimus Prime served on a silver platter, courtsey of Starscream with all his love.

"Oh dear, now I am going to enjoy this gift." he chuckled, his metal face plates blushing. "That Starscream knows me and what I like."

Suddenly Soundwave was standing in the doorsill, he vibrated enough to clear his throat, catching Megatron's attention. "Sir?"

Megatron quickly clicked off the icon and spun around. "Yes, what is it?"

"A quintason virus has invaded our security system, all weapons and defense mechanisms are down." Soundwave replied.

"What? When did this happen?" he cried. "I had the computer up. I didn't see anything."

"I sent you an email with such information on facebook, did you recieve it?"

"No, I saw nothing of the sort!"

Soundwave craned his neck so that he could see around Megatron's towering frame. The screen was on facebook. Soundwave could clearly see the email icon flashing. "Maybe my email has reached you now, Mighty Megatron?" he mentioned, pointing.

Megatron clicked it. It was a virtual bubbling hot tub from Starscream. Megatron swallowed hard, embarrassed.

"What is that, mighty Megatron?" Soundwave asked, looking baffled. "That looks like a hot tub."

"Uh...I don't know what it is." he lied. "Uh...Starscream must obviously be looking for someone else."

The virtual card read, "Enjoy your hot tub, mighty leader...love Starscream."

"It is for you, Megatron." Soundwave murmured.

"No, it's just one of Starscream's silly jokes." Megatron grumbled, quickly hitting another icon. "This one must be your news about the virus."

Megatron hit another email, only to have a virtual "kiss" pop up, of course from Starscream. Megatron quickly deleted it, but then the computer screen went blank.

"Wha???" he questioned, repetitively hitting the enter button to no avail.

"The virus has hit your computer, Megatron." Soundwave explained, backing away when Megatron clenched his hands into tight fists.

"NO!" he cried, smacking the side of the computer.

"Megatron, the autobots are attacking and our defenses are all down! We're totally defenseless against them! Oh and by the way, Optimus Prime says to tell you not to be accepting virtual gifts of his head on a silver platter, they apparently carry viruses." Thundercracker said in a rush of words.

"NOOO!" Megatron cried out.

"Megatron, there's a femme ouside that says Gun Girl has been trying to reach you via email, but you never answered her." Shockwave said, hurrying around the corner, breathless from his efforts. "She says that Gun Girl was going to give you another chance, but after seeing all the gifts you were getting from Screamer, she decided to back off."

"NOOOOOO! Oh...wait...she can see that on my profile?" he questioned, surprised.

"Yes sir, she can."

"NOOOOOO!" he repeated, tossing his hands up in the air. "What the slag else can go wrong?"

Shockwave and Thundercracker each exchanged worried looks and then disappered down the corridor, leaving Megatron alone with Soundwave.

Megatron sighed and slowly went to his throne, swinging it around and staring back out the window, into space.

"Megatron, shall I repair your computer?" Soundwave asked.

"No, just leave me."

"Shall I ready the back-up defenses?"

"Just leave me alone." he murmured.

"Megatron...once the computer system is up and running once again, I will send you a virtual iheart to cheer you up, Mighty leader." Soundwave vibrated.

Megatron's optics grew a bright red, he turned around with a frown, lifted his arm-gun and fired, shooting the monotone decepticon down in a smoldering cloud of grey soot.

"Oooooh, I already feel a little bit better." he smiled, listening to the sounds of gun fire and struggle in the backdrop as he leaned back in his throne and sighed.


End file.
